After picking up (delicious) sandwiches in Menlo Park, we drove up into the Santa Cruz mountains for a picnic and hike at Castle Rock Park. Its a beautiful spot, with challenging trails that snake around creeks, ridges, and rocks. I used to rock climb there, but I'm more of my feet on the round gal now.
The hike we chose was just over 2 hours and took us through groves of oak, redwood, bay laurel, and pine. We saw deer, lizards, hawks, butterflies, grasshoppers, and heard an owl. Ben scrabbled up a few rock faces. I snapped photos with my iphone. It was a glorious afternoon!
There is a photo on my husband's blog that I'd like to explain. Its a photo of a man picking the lock on Ben's scooter. Why? Because Ben dropped his key into the seat lock just before the wind blew the seat down. Ben had chosen to ride the 65 mpg scooter to pick up a hard drive to save gas. This key incident happened just after arriving at Fry's. I was home working and thrilled he'd gone off without me when my cell phone rang. "honey? yeah - I think I need your help"
I searched the ENTIRE house for the second key to that scooter. Nothing. I found my key to my scooter. The key to the other bike and another Yamaha key to a bike I no longer own. We no longer own a vehicle big enough bring the scooter home in but I showed up to help in our little Mazda.
I found Ben wandering about without his glasses. Seems the keys AND his glasses were locked under the seat. We looked around the bike - no key. I called a Yamaha dealer who sorta laughed at me and said good luck. I called AAA and they don't come out to help with motorcycles even though we both have AAA plus cards. Ben looked up "lock smiths" in Palo Alto. First number was not in service. Then he found an online service that told me they'd find us a locksmith to "make us a new key" and it would cost $95. Ok.. deal. Phone rang minutes later, they could not find us a locksmith. Back to the internet (thank goodness for iphones) and after calling the FIRST number google found in Palo Alto - the guy in the photo showed up.
He opened a billfold and pulled out these little pins and began probing the key lock. Nothing. He managed to LOCK the wheels but not pop the seat release. He tried again and again no "pop." So I asked if he could turn the key lock to "ON" and Ben could then at least get the bike HOME where we we might find the key at some point.
No key, but the bike was able to start and Ben (minus his glasses) drove home. WIth me following worrying about him not being able to see and with the lock smith following ME.
We get home and the guy uses my key to see JUST how the key lock works on my scooter (same model only red) and he goes back to poking Ben's. This goes on for quite a while. Dogs get dinner. We wander in and out.. the locksmith just keeps quietly poking. Until "pop" the seat comes up! And there is no key inside. There are gloves and papers and yes, Ben's glasses - but NO key.
"BEN!" there is no KEY in the seat! "I think I heard something fall when I was riding home.. maybe it was just on the edge inside and worked it's way out and fell." Um - we can't find the other key. We don't know the key number. The locksmith won't leave - he just keeps looking at the other keys and counting indents. "this one is a .... and this one is..." All I WANT TO DO is drive back the route Ben took home and see if we can find the damn key.
Another 15 min and $125 later (because he said he had to pick the lock 3 times - um yes, because he did not get it RIGHT the first time - whatever!) We jump BACK in the car and drive around staring at the road - oh and did I mention it was RUSH HOUR? We did not find the key. If we had, we would have had to risk our lives to retrieve it from the middle of the road. Ben goes off on a scooter to save gas and I end up driving there and back twice.
I have no idea what the final solution will be - perhaps we will find the 2nd key (and pigs will fly) - or Yamaha will be able to get us another key from the serial number of the bike (ha ha - I need the key number I don't have) - or Yamaha will have to replace the lock to give us a new set of keys (IF we can get the bike to a dealer without a key or a way to transport it.)
.
At least, as Ben told me "We got a good story out of it!"
When I was little - anything could be art.
It was not the materials, it was the process.
I am exploring the process of creating art and blogging it.
In the spirit of discovery I dragged random materials to my courtyard and … played. The paper was old and crinkled. I started with pencils, then oil crayons (note to self: you ‘re going to need a LOT more white), then to acrylic paint. I rubbed and scraped and moved my hands. I focused on how I feel about my courtyard and all the little things in it. Just like a kid I kept playing until the paper was covered. At the end - I was dipping my fingers in paint and smearing it around.
I had a wonderful 3 hour session with Jody at Rouge yesterday. We went with BLOOD RED (special effects) for a change - after the highlights and lowlights. Then a great cut and viola!
If you are in a committed, romantic relationship - and you or your partner finds themselves drawn to pay more attention to someone outside that relationship - it's cheating.
Does not matter what the reason or the outcome or the level of involvement.
Does not matter if it is sexual, emotional, or ego driven.
Does not matter if the partner was truthful or lying.
Does not matter if it happened once or over a period of months.
If the actions of one partner with someone else causes (or would cause) emotional pain to the other - it's cheating.
If you've cheated - you owe your partner the truth. By your actions you've set your partner up for a world-o-hurt. There is no justification for it. No one deserves to be cheated on. You made a choice and you must live with the consequences. If it's best to keep what you did a secret, then do so - but never blame your partner.
If you've been cheated on - you deserve the truth. And if your partner is able to open up to you - it is an opportunity to move past the pain. Let the past be a lesson you learn together. Find your way back to the place where you were devoted to each other. If it brings you closer together, allow yourself to have faith in what you feel. And if the right path is to move apart, do not place blame.
If you are the person "outside" the relationship ...
Does not matter who started it.
Does not matter what the reason or the outcome or the level of involvement.
Does not matter if it is sexual, emotional, or ego driven.
Does not matter if the person was truthful or lying.
Does not matter if it happened once or over a period of months or over and over again
It's cheating.
And by your involvement - you set yourself up for your own world-o-hurt, confusion, and what-ifs. When the cheating relationship ends, and the other person recommits to their partner, you are the one the door closes on. You are outside their relationship. You cannot stay on as a "friend." You cannot turn to the person for understanding. Your side of the event is your's alone. See the event as a lesson - as a chapter in your own personal story. Let go - really let go. When you do, you'll be able to move forward with an open heart to your own endless world of possibilities.
I've been the "outsider," the "cheater" and one "cheated on."
I forgive and I've been forgiven. May you all be granted the same.
It was a bit difficult to choose which products to try based on their website - but I certainly stayed away from the one with flakes of coconut that users said were a pain to wash out!
Step one - smell.
Opened all products and smelled them. Their website had MANY comments about the smells. They are all different and it does seem like the Stout shampoo does want to be conditioned with Veganese... and Rehab does want to be conditioned with Retread. All those smelled good to me. But whoa.. the H'Swan treatment smells like - garbage. Or more appropriately - like the oily residue at the bottom of a tossed salad when you've left it on the counter for a day (or two) before emptying it out and cleaning the bowl - decomposing green veggies and oil. In any case, that is the one I am not looking forward to smearing on my head and sitting around for 20 min. But I will - oh yes I will. Just not FIRST.
Step two - wash/rinse with Rehab and Retread
Started with a small about of rehab - then more. It was slow to lather and thus, I used too much. Smelled fine to me. Once it got worked through the lather was intense. It rinsed my hair squeaky clean. This is NOT normal for my hair. I scooped a bit of Retread and smoothed it on... Again at first it seemed not to do anything to detangle or smooth my hair - so I used more. Again, I used too much. Once it sat in my hair and I began to comb through it - it was smooth and silky. After leaving it in for 5 min I washed it out and again - my hair squeaked. Wierd. I let my hair air dry and while it is not SHINY it is soft and full and curly. It does not feel dry. It does feel VERY clean. But... I lost quite a bit of my sense of smell when I fell from my attic over a year ago. So I did not know the smell was following me. Seems when I came into the office with wet hair both Ben and Tom (his business partner) caught a wiff and wondered what the (not so pleasant) smell was. yeah... it's dry now and I can't smell anything. I think I better get Ben's opinion of it now.
Day two of Step two -
Woke up to frizzy, dry hair. Me thinks Rehab and Retread are not for me. Second day bad hair + smell that turned heads (not in a good way) = moving on to try Stout.
Day three - spend a small fortune on highlights, cut, and color and go back to salon products
photos to come....
The last happened in Trader Joe's were after a number of "Nice tatt's!" I got "Is that your husband's name?"
I don't think about my tatts - they are just so much a part of me. Having people remind me of the art on my arms and chest is always a surprise. But this was the first time a guy asked about the name on my arm. And having him KNOW it was my husband's name was amazing. His story (and they all have stories) was that his best friend just got married and he and his wife both got hummingbirds to commemorate their union. He felt is was wonderfully romantic that they did that, and he asked if my husband had my name on him. "Yes, on his neck." The guy's eyes went wide and he said "wouldn't that hurt?" "Yes, alot." And the guy smiled and he knew that this was a big deal. Bigger than a humming bird - and bigger than a name on my arm - because shirts don't cover my name. "Deborah" sits above his shirt collars.
I could not help but also share how our right sleeves match. That when you put our arms together - it looks like a larger image. Ben jokes that if anything ever happened to each of us - and no one knew who we were - they would put us together because of those matching arms.
This was etched into a slab of concrete we poured. Could have been 2 summers ago or 4 summers back but probably 4.
When you have been a loving relationship with the same person long enough, the passage of time looses it's grip. We are together now, we were together then.
I am his. He is mine.
Ben took his first plane trip to visit me just after he turned 20. It had been 9 months since I'd visited him in Ohio and over a year since we'd met online. I was his first love and first relationship. It was a time of change in my life and confusion and what-ifs. I spent much of our first years together looking back on my life. Was I where I was supposed to be? What about relationships I'd lost?
I had 2 kids (6 and 9) and was separated from their father. My relationship with Ben certainly had it's part in that separation, but so did the interaction between the kid's father and I. Bottom line: I was not on solid ground. I had trouble seeing where I was because I keep looking at where I'd been.
Ben was with me - and my life changed - and "our" time began marching forward. Slowly the other paths I'd had and the "what ifs" faded away until there was only our path. Now our only "what ifs" have to do with mistakes we both made along the way. What if I'd walked away? What if Ben had walked away? And now - even those what ifs have faded and our thoughts are filled with where we are now and where we will always be. No regrets. No worries. We are here, we are in love, just like those initials etched into concrete.
What we've gone though to get to where we are now has only brought us closer together.
Line at a time story:
once upon a time:
a woman 42 met a young man 19 through the internet
and every day:
they would talk online and on the phone and pretend they were a couple in love
until one day:
the woman flew to meet the young man to see if they would feel the same in person as they'd pretended to online.
and because of that:
they kissed for the first time, and it was his first kiss, and they did feel the same - in love - but their world went from pretend to uncertain reality
and because of that:
they spent 9 months apart, waiting to see if fate would bring them together or separate them forever
until finally:
fate brought them together and their path together as a couple began for real
and ever since that day:
they've spent every day saying "I love you" and reminding each other how happy they are that they are the couple they once only pretended to be.
the moral of the story is:
happiness comes with patience and accepting the path fate puts you on
